Tall Tree: A story by Michael

This piece was submitted to the Men With Heart Project this week and simply must be shared.  Mentors, fathers, trees--great stuff...

It is inspiring me to ask the question, 'who were my mentors?'  Strangely, I think I come from a generation that mentored themselves.  My parents were nuts.  Herman Hesse, the TV show Kung Fu, my best friend and hitch-hiking companion Jerry- these were my mentors.  Still, all that said, my real mentor was my father.  Did we have the best relationship?  No.  Did i receive a lot from him?  Everything. 

When I look at the world today, or back at the world when I was a kid it seems designed, conspiring to keep young men from being what they could be- Thank god for the martial arts-  Aikido.  It was amazing- I flew through the air and came up ready to take the energy of the world and redirect it.  But that came later, at around 13-16, but the story Two Trees inspired me to tell is about my Father and takes place way before then.  When I was just a boy, I guess around 8, my Dad took me, for a weekend or two, to something called Indian Guides.  I don't remember much, I remember my Dad being mainly interested in the other adults, but your name, 'Two Trees" makes me remember my Dad and I choosing our Indian names.  I was a bit of a spaz and about the only thing I could almost do well was run.  I was, like, the fourth fastest kid on the block.  That was all I had.  I had lost a lot.  Anyway, because of my imagined speed I chose the name, 'Galloping Wind.'  I made my Name Necklace and drew a picture of a multi tailed sperm- my idea of what the wind looked like.

My Dad chose the name, 'Tall Tree.'  I remember his quiet, methodical hand drawing a beautiful tall tree on his necklace.  And he was, he is actually, a Tall Tree of a man.  6'4'. Height is a blessing in this world and he passed it on to me.  My father and I have always looked down on the world from our lofty stances.  We have taken comfort and safety from removing ourselves from the dance of life.  For me, it has been a great journey back down to the ground, back down to feeling the gifts of the earth, and touch and love.  I still have anger at my father, I wish I did not.  I wish I could discard it, and I know I will soon, but it is still there.  Why am I angry at him?  I guess because he was not Tall Tree.  I needed Tall Tree.  He did not stand strong against the winds.  He was not strong or smart enough with his choices; he led me smack into a lot of pain.  Inside of me, I think Tall Tree would have shielded me more, with more love. 

I am trying to be Tall Tree right now, to my Son, to my world.  So, I wish I could forgive my Dad completely.  I need to.  It is a sign for me, that I am still angry at him- it says to me, 'the past is still alive.'  I need to put the past to sleep.  What do I need from him, what would help me do that?   I wish he could just say to me, 'Son, I am sorry my choices brought you so much pain, I really am.'  Actually, I probably don't even need that.  I just need to stop running from the pain that is in my heart.  I wish I could share it with him in a way that would not terrify him.

Now don't get me wrong, my Dad is a good man.  Tall, smart, witty, a good teacher, a loving man in his way, but wise, I can not call him wise.  Tall Tree wise, now that is Wisdom.  If I am honest with myself, that is what I wanted him to be.  That is what I want to be.  I believe I am becoming a Tall Tree, maybe I am 'Tree of a Medium Height' now.  If I am it is because of all the secret mentoring he did give me.  The mentoring in the quiet moments, in smiles, in movement, in the touches, in the constancy, in crispness of mind.  I thank him for all the times I looked up and saw the Sun shining down between his branches.


-Michael
serious.mrb@gmail.com

The power of asking for help.

One of the very first things I discuss with my clients and students is the basic skill of asking for help.  At my wilderness home in Northern Minnesota we always begin a 3-week course by running a powerful initiative highlighting the great and simple benefit of asking for help.  Our culture has an ingrained tendency toward needing to do everything on one’s own.  We ignore or forget that we are all in this together and that people are not only willing to help out, but we actively want to support each other.  We cannot do everything in life on our own, we just can’t, and really why should we want to? 

The inability to ask for help is often seen as quality related to stubbornness/laziness/etc, but it can also be seen as a simple skill, or tool.  Many young men I have worked with over the years simply do not know how, where, or when to present their vulnerability and need, and this can lead to a long running situation of paralysis.  There is a sense that we are all expected to simply know how to do things, how to go to college, how to take care of ourselves, and how to get things done.  In reality many of these life skills are not communicated clearly, expectations are not defined, and a confused situation is created that fosters shame and self-doubt. 

I have recently been taking my own advice to heart.  In the process of building a mentoring business and becoming viable and independent I have been asking for help at every turn.  It is not always an easy thing to do but the results have been phenomenal.  A long time ago I was presented with the idea of operating on a mutually beneficial basis, and when this is truly adopted into one’s life many wonderful results are found.  It truly is one of the first basic steps or assertions in the process of moving forward.  We all need help.

I propose today we all make a move and ask for help.  Be honest, be open, it is worth it—so worth it.